Be The Adult

This week, my school had parent-teacher conferences.  Like everything else in teaching, there is a wide spectrum of experience, from "my daughter thinks you are just the best" to "my daughter thinks you are mean" and everything in between. 

There is one that has stuck with me this year.  As I spoke with the parents, I said, "I wish he realized we are on the same side."  They went home and spoke to him, resulting in my receiving an email apology.  I replied with forgiveness and told him the same thing.  "I hope you know that we are on the same side."  As I have thought about it, I'm pretty sure I've not been acting that way.  Tomorrow, I will apologize to him because we have both been acting like middle school students.  That's age appropriate for him, but it isn't for me.

As a middle and high school teacher, I spend most of my time around (surprise) middle and high school students. That can result in being a bit embarrassed around adults as I laugh at things middle schoolers would laugh at.  It can result in my knowing things I really wish I didn't know but have to - like some of the text abbreviations.  It sometimes results in becoming a little more snarky than is appropriate simply because I am surrounded by the masters of the art.  When that happens, it is important to recognize it and correct it.

I know you know this, but there is no such thing as a perfect teacher.  Even those teachers that I hold in such high esteem that it is just shy of idolatry are fallible human beings.  We are going to make mistakes, and we are going to sin.  What's important is to own up to those mistakes and sins, not sweep them under the rug and hope no one notices.  The students will notice them.  More importantly, they will notice how we respond to them.  We should admit our wrongs, apologize for them, and do whatever we can to make them right.

In an age where adults spout off their anger on social media, talk about their dependence on wine like it is normal and not a reason to attend a meeting, deal with their stress by coloring, and talk about "self-care" like it is a virtue, our kids don't see adult behavior modeled very often.  Teachers, we are there to teach more than math, history, and science.  We are also role-models, and we simply must act like it.

Be the adult in the room.  They need it.

An Open Letter of Apology

This is to the young man my father and I encountered on our way out of the North Hills movie theater on Saturday.  I don't know your name.  You appeared to be about twenty years old and were wearing a blue ACLU t-shirt.

As my father and I walked down the sidewalk from the theater to our cars, I saw you and knew that your very presence would anger him.  You see, my dad is a dyed in the wool Trump supporter and one of the angry white men that got him elected.  I was prepared for him to talk trash about you after we walked away or rant about you at dinner.  I had my mouth open, ready to say, "No, thank you" to whatever you were about to ask.  I was not prepared, however, for him to address you directly, and I am sorry that he did.

You could not have been more polite.  As we approached, you leaned out slightly into the sidewalk, but you didn't block our path.  You smiled broadly at the two of us and even greeted us with "Hello. I am with the ACL . . ."  I'm sorry that you didn't even get to finish your sentence before my dad responded to you with his filthy suggestion of how you should treat yourself. 

While you and I are on opposite sides of the political spectrum and would have disagreed on most issues, please know that if you and I had engaged in the discussion you were hoping to have, we would have had a respectful discussion in which I would have acknowledged the genuine nature of your beliefs, as evidenced by the fact that you gave up your Saturday to do volunteer work. 

What I am most sorry for is that I did not stop in my tracks and apologize to you then and there.  I laid into my dad as we continued walking.  He is not and will not be sorry for what he said, but I am, and I wish I had stopped to tell you so.  His justification was that you had "drunk the Kool-Aid."  How he thinks he knows that without having let you get out more than five words, I do not know.  He remains unaware that his Kool-Aid is just a different flavor. 

As I have processed all of this for the past twenty-four hours, I have had a number of thoughts.
1.  No human being should ever be spoken to as my dad spoke to you.  You are an image bearer of the Almighty God.  He treated you as though you were a wad of gum not worthy of wiping off his shoe.  I hope you know that are valued and pursued by the God who made you.
2.  I'm sorry that my party which once identified itself as the party of family values is now led by a man that made my dad think this was okay.  I remember when conservatives said, "Character matters."  Apparently, that was only true for some of them when the president was a Democrat. 
3.  As a high school teacher, I keep coming back to the idea that you could be one of my students.  You weren't at home playing video games, smoking pot, or complaining about your life on social media.  You were volunteering on a Saturday to do what you believed to be good in the world.  While we disagree on how that good should be accomplished, I respect that you were doing what you believed to be right.  I'm sure you have been treated rudely by others, and the fact that you were still standing there was a testament to your courage and convictions.  Agree or disagree, I couldn't ask for more from my students.
4.  You represented yourself, your organization, and your generation well.  Your polite approach and self-control in not responding to my dad in kind are a credit to you.  You behaved much more maturely than the 70-year-old man to whom you were speaking.  He should be setting an example for you, not the other way around.
5.  As I had the odd experience of reprimanding my own father on a public street, I told him that he didn't represent our side well.  You weren't going to go home that night and think, "Well, now I'm convinced conservatism is the way to go since my encounter with that man."  I hope that you have encountered conservatives that gave you a more complete picture of who we are than he did.  We aren't all like that; I promise.
6.  My dad claims Christianity, but I know Jesus would not have addressed you that way.  In fact, the only people Jesus was harsh with were the self-righteous.  He engaged everyone else with great mercy and kindness.  I don't know if you have encountered Jesus, but if not, I hope you will be open to His grace in spite of this incident.

Sir, despite our differences, I encourage you to keep going.

Keep being engaged in the world.  Keep pursuing good.  Keep giving your time.  Keep being polite.  Keep learning.  Keep growing.