What You Think You See

Seeing is Believing.  Is it?  Is what we see always representative of reality?

In my day job, I sometimes stand at a desk where people are expected to scan their membership card as they enter the building. If you forgot your card, we can enter you another way; but everyone must be admitted through the system.  

One morning, I was at the desk when a woman was digging through her bag for her keychain (didn't she just get out of her car with her keys in her hand?) while someone else walked by me on her way to her yoga class.  While the first woman didn't say anything out loud, I could see her facial expression, wondering why she had to dig for her card while this woman walked on by.  What she didn't know was that this woman had, in fact, scanned in a few minutes earlier. She had gone down the stairs and realized she had left her water bottle in the car. Since we both knew she had already scanned, it wasn't necessary for her to do it again.  But without that piece of knowledge, the card searcher had only what she saw to inform her attitude and incorrectly interpreted what she saw using incomplete data.

This is more common in your life than breathing.  I'm not being hyperbolic.  You only breathe about 20 times per minute, but you interpret incoming sensory data hundreds of times per second. Literally everything that happens in your mind is an interpretation made by your brain.  As I used to tell my science students, eyes and ears are data collectors, but seeing and hearing only happen when your brains interpret that data. 

• This is why you can perceive the room spinning when you are dizzy even though that is obviously not the input your eyes are receiving. It comes from the brain trying to put together inconsistent data from two different sources - the still spinning fluid in your ear's semicircular canals and the input from the eyes.  The brain trusts the ear more and tells the brain to see something that the eyes are not seeing.
• This is why people can hallucinate voices that are not actually present. Their brain is making an interpretation of something that is not consistent with reality. Their ears are not actually hearing anything, but their brain is.

Yet, we all put great faith in our own interpretation of things. That's a feature, not a bug.  We have to do it. If we doubted everything we were seeing and hearing every minute of the day, we would crack up.  For the brain to perfectly process everything would take more time and energy than makes sense for it to use.  So, it takes short cuts.  It fills in gaps in data through interpolation and extends interpretation beyond the data through extrapolation.  

So, we can't stop to question ALL interpretations.  But we should question some of them.

This is an education blog, so let's take it to the classroom.  Is it possible that we sometimes misinterpret student behavior?  When that student who is always out of his seat without permission, do we take the mental shortcut of assuming that EVERY shift he makes in his chair is about to be a rule violation? Do we hear the first half a question and assume we know what the student is asking?  Do we see a kid in the hallway and assume she is skipping class because she has done so in the past? Kids who have been trouble makers in the past have often complained that they don't feel like teachers will let them grow and change because of their past behavior.  Do they have a point?  Do we over-interpret their actions because our brains are taking a totally normal mental shortcut?

How about your colleagues.  Do you make assumptions, not just about the action you see them doing but about their internal life?  Do you assign motive based on your past history with them?  Do you assume they are short tempered because you see them snap at a student without knowing the week long history that led up to that moment?  Do you know the whole story, or do you tell yourself a story?

I had this conversation recently about a man who was very irritated with his boss.  He was using some strong terms, like "bait and switch" during our conversation.  I had to say, "Okay, slow down" and walked him through this way of thinking.  There are three things happening here.

1. Facts
2. Feelings about facts
3. The interpretation of the facts as they are processed through your feelings.

The facts were real. He was accurately relaying the story of WHAT had happened.  His feelings were real.  He was rightly irritated by WHAT his boss had done. It's that third part where things get fictional. His brain was going beyond what he knew to be true in order to construct a story. It was filling in the gaps of what happened with WHY they happened, leading him to assign motive that was almost certainly not accurate. His boss is not a manipulator or a liar, so the term bait and switch was unfair. If he were processing the facts through a different set of feelings, the story he was telling himself would be far different.

Part of what makes teaching difficult is how many pieces of data we have to interpret and how little time we have to reflect properly.  We often react quickly to our rapid interoperation simply because there isn't time to slow down.  My encouragement to you would be to slow down as much as you are able to, knowing it might not be much.  

• That extra second before responding to a child might make a difference in your relationship with them because it might give you just enough distance to assume the best rather than the worst.
• That extra minute it takes to remind yourself of what you know for sure about your colleague might prevent weeks of awkward interactions with them.
• Taking a few class periods before answering a parent email will allow you to answer in a more tactful way. It is much better for them to experience a delay in your response than for them to experience the response you would give while your blood pressure was still high.

I've strayed a bit from the point here, so let me close the circle.  What you think you see isn't always representative of reality.  It's worth asking if you know the whole story. If not, hold your own certainty in check, and be open to changing your story after you know more.

Learning From Defeat

This week, my friend and I went to see an exhibit about the works of Charles Schultz, the creator of the Peanuts comic strips.  There were many quotes from Schultz himself to explain his vision behind each character or his method, and one right at the beginning stood out to me. He thought failure was funnier than success, so he made the characters lose at everything they did.  He said,

"The Peanuts is a chronicle of defeat.  All the loves in the strip are unrequited; all the baseball games are lost; all the test scores are D-minuses; the Great Pumpkin never comes; the football is always pulled away."

My first thoughts when I read this were that:

• We love the Peanuts characters and their stories because we can all identify with failure.  
• Current children's media is just the opposite. We try to make kids believe they will always be victorious with enough trying.

Then, I remembered an interview I once heard with Lemony Snicket, author of the Series of Unfortunate Events, a hilarious series of books in which orphaned children are sent from horrible relative to horrible relative while their evil uncle is out to kill them for their inheritance, and the one time they find a good caretaker, he is killed by the bite of a snake.  (I promise the books are funny and not at all scary for children in spite of this plot line - such is the genius of Lemony Snicket.). In the interview, he referenced that the popularity of his first few books rose in the months after September 11th.  Children were asked why they liked the stories, and they said, "Adults keep telling us everything is going to be fine, but we know that's not true.  We like that he tells the truth."

And here's the truth.

• Life is hard (but there are joyful times in it).
• Some people are more talented than you are at some things (which is okay because you are more talented than they are something else).
• You will have bad hair days (and sometimes they are on school picture day).
• You will fail a test (which is why your grade is an average and not based on only one thing).
• Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, the other team wins (or the other guy gets the job you want or the man you love loves someone else or you don't get into your first choice college).

Yesterday, I overheard a conversation between two coaches.  They were having trouble with the parents of two of their athletes (not the athletes themselves).  These parents were insistent that their sons must compete in a competition for which they had not qualified because, without it, they would not make the special elite team.  The coaches were also talking about their own past, when they didn't make the team they wanted and how much they learned from it.  They wished they could communicate that to the athletes, but their parents were preventing them from having that conversation.  As I overheard this, I was reminded of a student's parent I once dealt with who worked herself into all kinds of anxiety, the kind that makes you email a teacher at 3AM, because her daughter couldn't get into honors biology at her new school of her grade in my class dropped by one point.  Both sets of well meaning parents were hanging all of their hopes for their children on ONE event.  That's a lot of pressure for a fourteen year old, the belief that God's plan for them will be derailed by one sporting event or high school class.  

But here's another truth:

• You learn more from failure than you do from success.
• Character is built from learning to be gracious when you win AND when you lose.
• Your life will take a lot of turns that you cannot foresee in middle school.
• It is only in exceedingly rare cases that failure results in death.  (Most of the time, you just feel sad for a few days while you figure out where to go from here.)

Parents and teachers, I know it is hard to see kids hurting.  It's natural to want to fix it for them. But tears dry and hearts heal with time and perspective.  The lessons they learn are far more lasting.  How many times have you looked back and been grateful that you didn't get what you thought you wanted?  How many times have you looked back on a lost job and been glad you have a different job?  

I know this seems counterintuitive, but kids will actually have less anxiety if we let them fail sometimes.  It will teach them resilience - that they don't have to be afraid of failure because they lived through it last time.  It will teach them to show class - another way to be successful.  It will teach them not to find winning mundane - and savor the times they do win.

This leads me to a quote from another artist whose work I've recently seen exhibited, the great Bob Ross.

"You can't see the light without the dark."

These pictures represent one of my fondest teenage memories.  Every year when they pop up in my Facebook memories, I have some pretty happy nostalgic moments.  But it may not be for the reason you think when looking at them.

These are a few members of my church youth group.  I doubt you are having trouble identifying me, but if you are, thank you for that.  I'm the one in the jeans and blue shirt.  These two pictures were taken on a 100-degree day in a parking lot in Atlanta, GA.  My youth group drama team had traveled down during the Olympic Games to perform street drama and pray with people.  This was our first day. 

We arrived in the notorious church van and after sitting there for a while, our youth minister came out and said, "This is going to take some time. Settle in."  He did not inform us that the building we had been assigned to sleep in had been condemned by the city and that they were trying to find us somewhere to stay for the week. We spent nine hours in that parking lot. After a while, the van became too hot to stay in, so we pulled out a sleeping bag and put it in the parking lot. We played games and told stories and laughed our heads off.  Other groups were having similar problems, so they were also in the parking lot and we got to meet them and play games with people we otherwise wouldn't have met.  (I think I threw horseshoes for the first time that day because someone in another group brought a set.)  When it began raining, we found that the back door of that school bus was unlocked and commandeered it.  I have no idea who that bus belonged to, but it was much easier getting into it than it was to squeeze back into the church van.  When we finally made our way to our home for the week, a church's gym floor with cold water hose showers on the roof, we were a giddy group of teenagers who had just had the best day ever all because everything had gone wrong.

The thing about life is that things go wrong a lot.  The thing about teaching is that things go wrong a lot.  Whether you have a great day or a terrible day very often is determined by how you react when things go wrong.  If we had sat sulking in the hot van all day, we would have missed out on a day of happy memories.  Instead, these pictures represent a great deal of joy.  

The same thing can happen when things go wrong in your classroom.  If you teach longer than a week, that's going to happen.  You are going to plan something that takes dramatically more or less time than you planned.  You are going to have a student who insists on interfering with your plans.  You are going to solve a problem incorrectly in front of 24 teenagers.  If you react with embarrassment or anger, you will likely make the situation worse (by the way, I'm talking to myself here as I have more than one story of responding poorly).  If you recognize that showing kids how to adapt is just as important a lesson as the one in your plans, you can turn it into a good experience.  

I frequently make mistakes while solving physics problems.  It's not because I'm sloppy; there are just a lot of ways to mess up.  You can forget a negative, punch something wrong in the calculator, or accidentally draw an arrow pointing down when it should have been up.  Usually, a student catches it and corrects me.  I thank them and fix it because I want them to see that these mistakes are easy to make and that they are not irredeemable.  I want them to see that you don't have to be upset about it because you can learn from it.  There are so many things a teenager thinks are needs when they are really wants.  There are so many things they think are critical when they are really just convenient.  They have so much anxiety about things going wrong that we must teach them how to embrace those times.  It will make a difference in their future.

And, of course, I cannot title this post "When Things Go Wrong" without including this poem.

When Things Go Wrong

by Anonymous

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is strange with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit