Finding the Good in Bad Times - What We Can Teach Our Kids

My plan was to finish the series in practical advice for students this week.  But the effects of Hurricane Helene gave me the opportunity to observe some things I feel are worthy of comment.  So, I'll be back with test taking advice next week.

Hurricane Helene was a record storm, but it was made worse by its path.  People at the coast are accustomed to storm season.  They have sandbags and plywood at the ready, knowing they will need it at least once.  More importantly, they have flood insurance.  But why would anyone in Asheville, NC have those things?  That would be as odd as someone in Miami, Florida having snow tires.  The initial death toll is devastating and growing. And there are still people trapped due to road closures. It's just awful, and there's no other way to describe it.

But, as we often see in tragedy, there is good.  Setting aside the scammers and gougers trying to profit from the tragedy and Marjorie Taylor Greene's nonsense assertion that the storm was man-made to hit Republican voting areas (like that's even possible and like Asheville and Miami aren't completely blue - no Beth, don't get distracted by her crazy), we are seeing charities, churches, non-profits, and individuals doing whatever they can to help.  I work at the YMCA, and the donations have poured in. Within an hour of posting a list on their social media pages, one branch had this small pile. Today, that pile covers the sign.

Twenty-four hours after the list was posted, my other branch was loading these into an empty room to clear space in the lobby.

And by the end of the day Sunday, that room looked like this.

By the way, the Triangle YMCAs will be collecting until the 10th, so drop by with anything you would like.  Don't even worry about finding the list; they are collecting pretty much anything you can think of.  Friday, they'll drive them up to the Ys in Western NC to distribute to their people.  Also, if you know someone who has been displaced by the storm, they can come into any Triangle branch and be issued a free 30-day membership.  We had someone come in a few days ago from Wilkesboro just to take a shower because they hadn't been able to for a week.  (Imagine the basic human dignity that just comes from feeling clean. We were so happy we could provide that for him.)  A member from Asheville was driving through town a few days ago, and she scanned in just to use the bathroom because she was tired of stopping at gas stations. We take so much for granted until we can't.

My church was loading a truck on Saturday to take up to our sister church in Asheville, and halfway through the morning, they had to go rent a second truck.  So, people are doing what they can.

As teachers, parents, or anyone else who influences the lives of kids, we have a moment here as well.  I'd like to address a few of them.

Teach empathy - The obvious first step is to teach kids empathy by asking them to imagine what it would be like to be trapped without food or the inability to get clean. Ask them to donate things. They are amazing when you give them a cause. 

Teach the value of small actions - Some won't be able to do much because they just aren't in a financial position themselves, but it is always so good to know you contributed to a larger whole.  A student who can provide one package of toilet paper might feel like they aren't doing much, but if your whole school or church is collecting, and they see their donation as part of a truckload, they can recognize that a lot of little adds up to a lot.

Model sanity - If you are online, you have read a lot of nonsense in the last few days.  From the people who are disparaging FEMA with the false assertion that they are denying aid but sending body bags or that Biden and Harris haven't visited the area (or accuse them of just engaging in a photo op when they are there) to those who won't acknowledge the good that Samaritan's Purse is doing simply because they don't have any respect for its founder. 

If you have influence over kids, it is your responsibility to stay above the fray on these things.  Tell them instead how grateful you are to live in a country that has an emergency management agency. Tell them you are happy there were governors who declared the state of emergency before the storm hit (something they couldn't have done 50 years ago) in order to get the funds freed up as quickly as possible.  Recognize out loud that a lot of people are helping - including people you don't like - and that is a good thing.  

Listen to them - The world we are living in right now is tough, so it is no wonder that kids are suffering from anxiety disorders at a higher rate than ever.  Most of the people reading this only did fire drills as kids (maybe tornado drills if you lived in those areas). Current students participate in at least 1-2 active shooter drills per year. Most of them know someone who has been in either an active shooter situation or the threat of one. They don't know what to make out of the chaos in the Middle East. Don't think they aren't paying attention.  They don't have the luxury we did as kids of simply not watching the news; the news comes to their pockets 24 hours a day.  In 2020, the first person I heard suggest that schools might be close was a high school student.  Last week, the four-year-old granddaughter of one of my friends took a dollar from her piggy bank to her mom and asked if they could go shopping for the people that got hurt in the storm.  That was the first her mom knew that the child was even aware of the storm.

Kids, especially teenagers, are rightly concerned about the word they are going to inherit.  The least we can do is listen to those concerns.  Don't pretend to have answers that you don't have. They won't feel better if you try to put a happy face on it. They will feel better if you acknowledge their real concerns. But that doesn't mean compounding their anxiety with your own either. Catastrophizing will not help. You have the opportunity to loan them your calm.  Tell them how you are getting through the times we are living in - It could be prayer, focusing on the helpers, engaging in gratitude exercises, or engaging in physical exercise. Kids feel better when there is something to do, so give them an action step.

In the book of Genesis, we find the story of Joseph. He was sold into slavery by his own brothers, accused of a crime he didn't commit, and wrongly imprisoned for several years. If anyone has ever had the right to be bitter against his family, the government, and even God, it is Joseph.  Yet, at the end of the story we find him telling his brothers, "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." He focused on God's plan, which is so much bigger and more complex than we can imagine.  We would be wise to follow that example.

Novice Learners - It Takes Courage

When was the last time you learned something new?  I don't mean a small change to what you already know.  I mean something totally new.  It was exhausting, right?  And you likely failed at it quite a few times before you started getting comfortable with it.  That's no big deal if the thing you tried was knitting or baking banana bread.  It might have been a little bigger deal if the thing you were learning was car repair.  But, what if there were actual stakes?  When being a novice learner also means something to your future, it is much more frightening and requires more courage to try.  For your students, this is a daily occurrence.

Regular readers of this blog know that I have recently started a new job at the YMCA.  Among other things, I enroll new members, sell guest passes, accept payments for personal training, activate scan cards, and try to solve membership related issues.  Personify, the computer software system used by the Y, is a complex array of fields that seems to have a language of its own.  If someone's child is not showing up related to their membership, they can't admit them to the drop in day care center.  Now that I know how to do that, it's a pretty easy fix, but the first time I tried it, I didn't realize I had to go to the finance screen to add it to their "order" because that's not an intuitive connection.  When someone comes in with a United Healthcare AARP card, there are about seven additional steps to making them a member, and it is important to do it correctly because it is the difference between a free membership and one that costs sixty dollars per month.  

The first few weeks, I did everything wrong.  Of course I did.  It was the first time I was doing it, and it was a little like trying to take a drink of water from a fire hydrant.  My coworkers were very kind and helpful, and my supervisor reminded me that there was no mistake I could make that couldn't be fixed.  Members were very patient when I told them it was my first week (I'd like to keep using that excuse for a couple of years).  But, I was struggling.  It's been a long time since I spent all day without any confidence in the next step of my work.

During that time, I happened to be reading the book Uprise, written by my friend, Kevin Washburn.  This book is about resilience, overcoming challenges, and growth.  The chapter on practice spoke to me during that week.  It's not like I didn't know that things get easier with practice.  After all, I have taught that concept to students for over two decades.  But there was something about seeing it in black and white that was especially encouraging.  So, I emailed Kevin to thank him for that part of his book.  In his reply, Kevin said he was involved in another writing project, and there was a line it it, "Have the courage to be a beginner."  Below you will see how much that statement meant to me.  I printed it, laminated it, and hung it on my refrigerator.

Last week, I reminded teachers that the students in front of them were novices and to plan for that.  Today, I want us to remember how hard learning new things is.  I want us to remember how difficult it would be to experience failure over and over as they work to become competent.  I want us to admire the courage of our students as they tackle all of this on a daily basis for years.

• Hold high standards - sure
• Include rigor in your lessons - yep
• Include problems that achieve the level of "desirable difficulty" - absolutely

But also

• Care enough to give them the base knowledge they need.
• Scaffold learning to help students achieve.
• Empathize with them as they persevere.

Have a great school year, everyone!

Experience = Perspective

In the course of getting my education degree, I took exactly one class in educating kids with special needs.  I hope teacher preparation programs are now requiring more than one because it is a large part of the job.  If I was only going to have one, though, I had the best.  For the life of me, I cannot remember the professor's name, but she was fantastic.  She did therapy work with horses, told us stories of kids who came to school with feeding tubes, and introduced me to the F.A.T. city workshop, which make be the best thing ever for understanding kids with ADHD. 

And, oh yeah, she only had one arm.  This is going to sound strange, but I think about her every time I use a gas station restroom.  She once told us a story about a bathroom door lock that required pulling a lever with one hand while turning the doorknob with the other.  If she had not had a traveling companion and been able to slide the key under the door, she would have been trapped.  The person who designed this lock obviously did not have the perspective that there might be people without two functioning hands, and there is no chance I would ever think about it if it had not been for this professor.  Not having her experiences would not give us the perspective needed to think about appropriate lock design.

I was scrolling through Twitter this weekend, and this story came to mind as I watched the reaction to the President's tweets about West Baltimore.  President Trump tweets while sitting in the White House, which is a downgrade from his pre-inaugural lifestyle.  How can this man who has spent his life sitting at a gold-leafed table in the two-story penthouse of the building bearing his family name understand what it means to love a hometown that has poverty and rats in addition their other culture?  When Victor Blackwell got emotional on the air, there were people who thought he was overreacting.  My guess is that they think that because no one has said that "no human being would ever want to live" in the place they love and call home.  His level of emotion reflects his experience and perspective. 

We teach students who are going to say things we don't understand.  Some of them will be wrong or legitimately strange, but some can only be understood in relation to their life experiences.  When a student says they hate Christmas, it may be because they have an abusive parent.  When a student reacts badly to Columbus Day, consider whether they have Native American background and don't find manifest destiny something to celebrate.  A student who reacts badly to reading aloud may have been mortified by their mispronunciation of an unfamiliar word in an elementary school class.  A student who overreacts to a balloon popping may be having a sense memory of an experience we don't even know about.  We don't always have to give in to the preferences of every student, but we will be able to avoid a lot of pain and class disruption if we get to know them, listen to their experiences, and try to understand the perspective that gives them.

Teaching Students Empathy

Lack of empathy may be the world's biggest problem right now.  You might not think this if you read a lot of Twitter arguments.  Someone always says, "How would you feel if . . ." and while that sounds empathetic, the motivation is to win the argument.  That's not empathy.  It the same old selfishness disguised as compassion.  A wolf in sheep's clothing is not a sheep, and the person who pretends compassion is not compassionate.   

We are so polarized that the very idea of what someone else thinks or feels is offensive to us, so we carefully cultivate our world (friending and unfriend, following and unfollowing) to hear as little as possible from those with whom we disagree.  Whether the issue is immigration, racial injustice, the waitress serving our table more slowly than we would like, or a rival athletic team, we don't want to imagine "the other side" as human beings with their own thoughts and feelings.

Anyone who has been in education longer than a day knows that we aren't just responsible for teaching content.  We also teach life skills, study skills, thinking abilities, and engage in character development.  If we are going to fulfill our mission with students, we must find ways to teach empathy.  Here are a few ways that I've seen in my own school.  Please share what you do in yours.

Project Construction:
When GRACE teachers construct projects, we often think of ways to broaden student thinking to take others into account.  One of our English teachers partnered her class with a class from another school.  They engaged in a Twitter chat about "the American dream."  Our students heard stories and viewpoints they otherwise would not have.  Fifth-grade students learning about the Holocaust were assigned roles as Jews and wore stars of David, had restrictions on which doors and water fountains they were allowed to use in order to experience what it feels like to be isolated and limited for no reason.  Physics students are assigned a region of the world to research and asked to propose the solution to a problem that engineering could help solve.  They are required to use the available resources of the area, not swoop in with a western solution.  Our AP Statistic students collect and analyze data for local non-profits.  These are only a few examples.  If you walk through the halls of either campus, you will see projects that encourage empathy development.

Modeling Empathy in Our Interactions
For all the planned activities teachers and students engage in, the vast majority of our day involves unplanned conversation.  When a student asks a question, it means they are open to a change in thinking.  The way we answer them matters.  Do we treat the question like an interruption to our plan, or do we remember what it was like to not understand?  When a student complains about another teacher, do we let it go or do we ask them to think about why that teacher might have done that?  What might that teacher have been thinking?  When a student says something mean or insensitive, do we simply punish or does our discipline involve asking that student to put themselves in the other students' position?  All of these unplanned interactions reveal how we think, which students notice.

Community Service
My school requires students to complete a certain number of community service hours for graduation, but we want them to view service more deeply than that.  The hope is that the requirement will expose them to a variety of service organizations and opportunities ranging from local thrift stores to Habitat for Humanity to food service organizations.  In a time of slacktivism, when many believe they have made a difference by using a hashtag or putting a banner on their Instagram profile, we want our students to really engage in service by investing their time.   Many of our students find that one of those opportunities ignites a passion for service and become active because of the intrinsic motivation to help others. 

Writing Opportunities
I've often said that English teachers know their students better than anyone else because they read so much of their writing.  I know I said things in essays that I didn't talk about in other places.  It's just hard to write without putting something of yourself into it.  But English teachers don't need to be the only people who provide students with these opportunities.  It will look different in the different areas of discipline, but you can craft questions and writing prompts that both lead to mastery of content, use of Bloom's evaluation level thinking skill (yes, I know it's not on the new Bloom's but it still matters), and empathy.  History teachers can ask their students to write as a suffragette or a soldier in the Civil War.  Science teachers can ask their students to evaluate the application of scientific discoveries (nuclear power v. nuclear weapons) from the perspective of Neils Bohr and/or a citizen of Japan.  Foreign language teachers probably have more opportunities than anyone to introduce their students to the thinking of people different from themselves.  If you don't want it to be in the form of writing, that's fine.  They can accomplish the same in a skit, video, song, debate, or any other creative way you can think of.

The Arts 
Every study about arts education shows that whether it is theater, dance, visual art, or music, students who participate in the arts have an increased level of empathy.  While it is risky to assume reasons from statistical data, they do prompt us to ask why the numbers are what they are.  I'm not an arts educator (just an enthusiastic supporter), but as I've read about these studies, it seems most arts educators agree that the increase in empathy results from trying to portray the creative work of others (band music students are usually performing the work of another) and also trying to get others to understand their own message (visual arts and dance are often putting out original work).  Some curriculum includes both.  You can see how the development of empathy would happen even if it weren't a specific goal of the curriculum.  When it is a specific goal, the result is practically magical, as I got to see yesterday.

Yesterday, I attended our school's fall play.  While I have enjoyed and been entertained by every play we have done, I've never been more impressed by my students as much as I was with this one.  The play is called Women and War.  My students stepped into the shoes of Vietnam nurses, gold star mothers, war protestors, wives waiting for their husbands to return from Korea, WWII soldiers writing to their girl at home, and those who served in other capacities (like phone operators and USO girls).  They portrayed worry, sadness, anger, joy, and PTSD.   Their preparation involved more than memorizing lines and learning stage blocking.  They read dozens of articles, visiting the WWI immersive exhibit at our local museum, interviewed an air force reservist, and attempted to truly interpret the intent of the playwright.  The result was a theatre experience unlike any I've seen in a high school.  In the audience, you could have heard a pin drop.  There was none of the shifting around, moving to restrooms, and talking between scenes that have become relatively normal at plays (even though they shouldn't).  The only sounds were those of sniffles from people who had been moved to tears.  When the lights went it out, there was a beat before the applause began, and even then, it was quieter applause than normal.  The audience needed that moment as they moved from experiencing the characters and their stories to remembering that they were an audience.  There was empathy in the audience, but it was because there was empathy on that stage.  For the two dozen cast and crew of this play, Veteran's Day will not be the same.  Neither will their studies of history class or trips to DC.  Once empathy has been achieved, it marks their hearts.

Like anything else, there is no "one size fits all" method.  Writing will not successfully build empathy in all students; neither will community service.  Both methods will reach some.  Projects are not going to open all of their eyes, but participation in the arts might.  If each method reaches some, the cumulative effect will be powerful.  Do as many as you can wherever it fits in the context of your school.