Finding the Good in Bad Times - What We Can Teach Our Kids

My plan was to finish the series in practical advice for students this week.  But the effects of Hurricane Helene gave me the opportunity to observe some things I feel are worthy of comment.  So, I'll be back with test taking advice next week.

Hurricane Helene was a record storm, but it was made worse by its path.  People at the coast are accustomed to storm season.  They have sandbags and plywood at the ready, knowing they will need it at least once.  More importantly, they have flood insurance.  But why would anyone in Asheville, NC have those things?  That would be as odd as someone in Miami, Florida having snow tires.  The initial death toll is devastating and growing. And there are still people trapped due to road closures. It's just awful, and there's no other way to describe it.

But, as we often see in tragedy, there is good.  Setting aside the scammers and gougers trying to profit from the tragedy and Marjorie Taylor Greene's nonsense assertion that the storm was man-made to hit Republican voting areas (like that's even possible and like Asheville and Miami aren't completely blue - no Beth, don't get distracted by her crazy), we are seeing charities, churches, non-profits, and individuals doing whatever they can to help.  I work at the YMCA, and the donations have poured in. Within an hour of posting a list on their social media pages, one branch had this small pile. Today, that pile covers the sign.

Twenty-four hours after the list was posted, my other branch was loading these into an empty room to clear space in the lobby.

And by the end of the day Sunday, that room looked like this.

By the way, the Triangle YMCAs will be collecting until the 10th, so drop by with anything you would like.  Don't even worry about finding the list; they are collecting pretty much anything you can think of.  Friday, they'll drive them up to the Ys in Western NC to distribute to their people.  Also, if you know someone who has been displaced by the storm, they can come into any Triangle branch and be issued a free 30-day membership.  We had someone come in a few days ago from Wilkesboro just to take a shower because they hadn't been able to for a week.  (Imagine the basic human dignity that just comes from feeling clean. We were so happy we could provide that for him.)  A member from Asheville was driving through town a few days ago, and she scanned in just to use the bathroom because she was tired of stopping at gas stations. We take so much for granted until we can't.

My church was loading a truck on Saturday to take up to our sister church in Asheville, and halfway through the morning, they had to go rent a second truck.  So, people are doing what they can.

As teachers, parents, or anyone else who influences the lives of kids, we have a moment here as well.  I'd like to address a few of them.

Teach empathy - The obvious first step is to teach kids empathy by asking them to imagine what it would be like to be trapped without food or the inability to get clean. Ask them to donate things. They are amazing when you give them a cause. 

Teach the value of small actions - Some won't be able to do much because they just aren't in a financial position themselves, but it is always so good to know you contributed to a larger whole.  A student who can provide one package of toilet paper might feel like they aren't doing much, but if your whole school or church is collecting, and they see their donation as part of a truckload, they can recognize that a lot of little adds up to a lot.

Model sanity - If you are online, you have read a lot of nonsense in the last few days.  From the people who are disparaging FEMA with the false assertion that they are denying aid but sending body bags or that Biden and Harris haven't visited the area (or accuse them of just engaging in a photo op when they are there) to those who won't acknowledge the good that Samaritan's Purse is doing simply because they don't have any respect for its founder. 

If you have influence over kids, it is your responsibility to stay above the fray on these things.  Tell them instead how grateful you are to live in a country that has an emergency management agency. Tell them you are happy there were governors who declared the state of emergency before the storm hit (something they couldn't have done 50 years ago) in order to get the funds freed up as quickly as possible.  Recognize out loud that a lot of people are helping - including people you don't like - and that is a good thing.  

Listen to them - The world we are living in right now is tough, so it is no wonder that kids are suffering from anxiety disorders at a higher rate than ever.  Most of the people reading this only did fire drills as kids (maybe tornado drills if you lived in those areas). Current students participate in at least 1-2 active shooter drills per year. Most of them know someone who has been in either an active shooter situation or the threat of one. They don't know what to make out of the chaos in the Middle East. Don't think they aren't paying attention.  They don't have the luxury we did as kids of simply not watching the news; the news comes to their pockets 24 hours a day.  In 2020, the first person I heard suggest that schools might be close was a high school student.  Last week, the four-year-old granddaughter of one of my friends took a dollar from her piggy bank to her mom and asked if they could go shopping for the people that got hurt in the storm.  That was the first her mom knew that the child was even aware of the storm.

Kids, especially teenagers, are rightly concerned about the word they are going to inherit.  The least we can do is listen to those concerns.  Don't pretend to have answers that you don't have. They won't feel better if you try to put a happy face on it. They will feel better if you acknowledge their real concerns. But that doesn't mean compounding their anxiety with your own either. Catastrophizing will not help. You have the opportunity to loan them your calm.  Tell them how you are getting through the times we are living in - It could be prayer, focusing on the helpers, engaging in gratitude exercises, or engaging in physical exercise. Kids feel better when there is something to do, so give them an action step.

In the book of Genesis, we find the story of Joseph. He was sold into slavery by his own brothers, accused of a crime he didn't commit, and wrongly imprisoned for several years. If anyone has ever had the right to be bitter against his family, the government, and even God, it is Joseph.  Yet, at the end of the story we find him telling his brothers, "You meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." He focused on God's plan, which is so much bigger and more complex than we can imagine.  We would be wise to follow that example.

Calm Dark Time - You Don't Know You Need It, But You Do

School is both a marathon and a sprint.  There are things that are happening in every class every moment of the day.  You are always preparing for a coming test or project, and there aren't enough days to spend time taking a moment to breathe.

Unless, that is, you teach a class where it is possible.  When I was the yearbook advisor, the work of completing the book wrapped up in mid-March.  After that, we had work to do for marketing and sales and some planning to do for the following year, but we certainly had a less hectic pace during the fourth quarter of the year, so once a week, we had something called "Calm Dark Time."  There is one set of lights on in the back of the room for those who might have something they want to read or work on, but they are also allowed to nap, play quietly on their computer, draw pictures, etc.  Basically, if it is calm, they can do it.

This actually started by accident.  There was a day I had a migraine headache and had turned half the lights in the room off during the previous class period.  When the staff came in, they said, "This is great.  Can we leave it this way?"  I was happy to keep the light stimulation on my still-hurting head low, so I agreed.  It was amazing how the low light in the room lowered everyone's volume and everyone's sense of pressure.  On the way out, I overheard students saying, "That was great.  I wish we could do that sometimes."  And so we did.

When I gave up the yearbook last year, I thought I might not ever again experience the glory of Calm Dark Time.  There aren't enough days in the year to take off a day in physics or middle school science.  But in giving up the yearbook, I took on another elective course - Middle School Study Skills.  It meets for a block on Tuesdays and a 44-minute class period every other Friday.  One week, our lesson was on the importance of rest for your brain, so I explained Calm Dark Time to them, and we did it.  I wasn't sure how this would go with 7th and 8th-grade students, but it was amazing.  There were moments when I almost forgot they were in the room.  Once again, they recognized its benefit.  On the way out the door, one of them said, "Wow, I really do feel better now" and one boy thanked me as he left.  I decided then that we would do it during each of the Friday periods, when they might need to unwind a bit from the events of the week and take a moment to just breathe.  I have also included it a little bit in my community-building period (35 minutes on Wednesdays) if I felt that they would benefit from some down time.  

A little rest time is supported by cognitive science, psychology, and biology.  It is also Biblical.  God modeled a day of rest.  Is it because He needed it?  No, of course not.  It is because he knew we needed it.  He wanted us to trust Him by putting our time of productivity on pause and allowing him to provide.  We live in a world that is very focused on information input and product output, but it has robbed us of time to reflect, integrate, and rest.  You may not be in a position to have a quiet class period of Calm Dark Time.  As I already said, I don't do this in my academically focused classes.  But, you might be able to pause for one minute and say, "Hey everybody, close your eyes.  Take a deep breath in.  Hold it.  Let it out.  Okay, let's get back to work."  That small moment could be exactly what the hippocampus in your students' brains needs.

Study Skills - MS