I just finished reading a book about ethics and leadership. I am intentionally not naming the book or the author here because of our tendency to accept or reject a person's words, not based on their merit, but on whose side we are one. (That said, it wouldn't be hard for you to Google quotes if you are really motivated to find out). It is a well-told story of how a person's character is built from decisions made at a very young age and how that character then informs leadership decisions in adulthood. There were a few things that stood out to me, and I wanted to mention them here and connect them to our role as teachers.
Ethical leaders are both tough and kind. It is unethical to allow people to get away with whatever they want rather than hold them accountable for their actions. It doesn't make you the nice boss or the easy teacher. It means you have abdicated your moral authority, which is not okay. What I have learned in 22 years of teaching, though, is that toughness doesn't exclude kindness. In my younger days, I pulled kids into the hall and read them the riot act. That hasn't happened in a long time. In recent years, if I have had to pull a kid into the hall, I have started with, "What's going on?" The conversation that follows can be kind and focused on problem-solving while still holding students to appropriate boundaries. Often, in fact, that conversation ends with, "You know I have to write this up now, right? You know I still love you, right?"
Humility and confidence are not antonyms. I knew that a person could be both confident and humble at the same time, but I don't think I had ever considered before reading this book that showing humility actually requires confidence. Showing humility means putting yourself in a bit of a vulnerable position, and you cannot do that if you are insecure. A good leader knows their strengths, but they know their weakness better and, as a result, they take steps to hear from people who are strong in those areas.
Honesty matters more than loyalty. The way we understand loyalty is deeply flawed. We think a loyal friend will always tell us what we want to hear and take our side, no matter what. That's wrong. A loyal friend is one who tells you the truth. They tell you what you need to hear. If you are wrong, they love you enough to tell you, and they don't worry that you will stop being friends with them for doing so. "Ethical leaders speak the truth and know that making wise decisions requires people to tell them the truth."
Ethical leaders care deeply about those they lead. Because they care, a leader will be honest and share his heart with those he leads. He will treat them with respect. He will often sacrifice his time to listen, to care, and to help solve problems. "They create an environment of high standards and deep consideration - love is not too strong a word - that builds lasting bonds and makes extraordinary achievement possible." This cannot be done sitting behind a desk. It is done by talking and listening to your people.
It is a weak leader who never laughs. Laughter, real laughter, the kind that comes from enjoyment requires humility and vulnerability. It requires listening to another person. It requires enough of a bond to understand the intent of the speaker. It requires acknowledgment of the other person's wit or cleverness. You cannot laugh and be defensive at the same time. Many leaders are serious, and they should obviously take their job seriously, but a joyless leader is hard to follow. If a leader never laughs, you should be suspect of that person's character.
Small sins, left unaddressed, become your character. The author of this book is very tall, and he got tired of answering the question about whether he played basketball (which I can relate to) and explaining why he did not. So, he just starting saying, "Yes" because it was easier. At some point, he realized that he was easily telling this lie and that the longer he did, the easier telling lies would become. He wrote to the people he had told this lie (which most of us would consider a benign lie) and apologized to them. He knew he did not want to continue moving the line of which lines were acceptable. He also relates a story of a time when he acted as a bully in college and how haunted he was by that experience, even as a middle-aged man. I think we have a tendency not to see individual actions as important, but these decisions are formative. They make us who we are. Your character is like a brick wall, and each action is like a brick in that wall. One wonky brick might not impact the overall strength of a wall, but not addressing whatever caused that on the next level and the one after that will lead to a poorly built structure.
As I read this book I was struck by how blessed I have been in those I have served. With a small number of exceptions, I have worked for excellent leaders, who led well. From the boss I had when I was an arena janitor to my current school administration, I have had the good fortune to be led well by men and women of character, who cared deeply about those under them and led with honesty, laughter, confidence, and humility. For that, I am grateful.
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