Thank You for Your Continuous Support

I spend a lot of time on EduTwitter.  It is simultaneously a great place for professional development and a dark and cynical place.  In some ways, it's a digital teacher's lounge.  The pandemic has only served to amplify those extremes. 

Just as schools began to close in March, EduTwitter was filled with people who had done online schooling before offering their best practices, making their resources available for free, and just generally being super supportive to other educators.  It was lovely and encouraging. 

About a week into the shutdown, divisions started rising between those who want to pretend online school is no different that in-person schooling and those who say, "This is a pandemic.  Why are we requiring students to do anything at all?"  My personal opinion, as usual, lies between the extremes.  Things are different.  There is no doubting that.  I believe it is still my job to provide the best education possible to my students and hold my kids accountable for responsible behavior, but I know that there are things I and they cannot do and try to go easier on them in grading.  Every context is different.  Some schools have wider disparity than others, so they cannot all be held to one standard.

The most disheartening stories in the past week or so are from those whose administrators and districts have changed their expectations from week to week and parents who write to them to complain.  Early on, there was an outpouring of love for teachers from parents who were finding out that their kids were not as easy to teach as they once believed.  As the lockdowns have gone on and this way of life has become routine, they have started to criticize everything from content to assessment.  It's as though they expect that the teachers should have it all figured out by now, two months in.

I read these stories on Twitter, and it makes me sad for them.  When I close Twitter and open my email, I have an encouraging message from a parent who reminds me that their family is praying for us, a thank you note from a student who thought taking a test on Kahoot was great once she muted the music, or a copy of the devotional our Head of School gave that day.  Our teachers send each other song lyrics, scriptures, or videos to keep each others' spirits up.  No place is perfect, and we have flaws to address, but at the end of the day, we address those issues to grow together as a team with love and support from the families who trust us with their students. 

Thank you GRACE administration and GRACE parents, not only for your support at the start of all this, but for your continuous support.

Don't Weigh Down Their Flight

It's that time of year when my social media feed fills with pictures of kids off to their first day of school.  From kindergarten to seniors, they are posed with their backpacks and first-day outfits.  College students pose, sitting on their dorm room beds, and those who have decided to enter the workforce pose standing in front of their place of business.  Kids of all ages smile at the future they are about to enter.

Among these happy photos, there are always a few moms who insist on making the moment about them.  They post about how much they cried and how tragic it is that their lives are about to change.  They beg for the sympathy of their social network, and they get it.  Dozens of hang-in-there comments and hundreds of sad face emojis make them feel affirmed, but they don't recognize that they are taking the joy away from their child.  You think it shows them you love them, but that's for you, not them.

Don't misunderstand.  I'm not saying you don't have the right to your feelings, and sadness is natural when your child leaves home.  But, there is a difference between your child seeing your tears as they wave goodbye and the repeated stab that comes from seeing it over and over online.  The former is something the child can absorb, knowing their parents love them, and then choose to set aside as they head off to classes.  The latter keeps popping up because when the post gets another heart or comment, it pops right back up to the top of the newsfeed.  Over and over, the child is reminded that their normal and natural development is a source of pain to their parents.  They did the right thing, the thing they were told to do, the thing they were trained to do, even the thing they were pushed to do; but the repeated exposure to their parents' sadness makes them feel like they have done something wrong.

These posts always remind me of the time I worked in a daycare.  Most of the parents brought their kids in, got them settled, and waved goodbye with a happy smile and a "Have fun at school.  See you later."  They may have expressed sadness when they got in the car, but they made their child secure in having fun with their friends.  There were a few, however, that couldn't leave until they had made their child cry.  They'd leave the room and stand at the window, looking sad.  They would find a reason to return, sometimes multiple times.  Each time, they would go and interrupt their child's play, speaking them in a gloomy tone.  It was like they needed to know that their child was sad to see them leave.  A happy, well-adjusted child didn't make them feel needed, so they had to make their baby miserable in order to feel whole.

A few years ago, a teacher at our school discovered a live webcam of an eagle's next in Minnesota.  For months, we watched these birds sit on eggs, covered in snow and fighting the wind.  When the eggs hatched, dad flew off to find food.  He brought back fish and rabbits.  Mom stripped the meat off of them and fed them to the open mouths of the eaglets.  About 10 weeks after hatching, the mother started doing something weird.  She started removing things from the next.  She took out the downy feathers and dropped them over the edge.  She pulled at the nest with her beak, making the bed less comfortable.  These moves made the eaglets restless, and they started moving toward the edge.  A week or two later, they perched on the edge and started making their flights.

Imagine if that mother eagle, after all the preparations she made for the flight of their babies, stepped on their wing.  What if she rode on their back because she wanted to them to stay close to the nest?  The well-prepared, properly-developed eagles wouldn't be able to accomplish that for which they were designed.

I'm not saying you can't be sad.  Of course, you are sad.  I'm not saying you shouldn't cry.  Of course, you will cry.  I'm not even saying they can't see you cry.  It would be a little strange if your child thought you didn't care that they were leaving home.  What I am saying is that you can't make every phone call about your tears instead of their news, and you should keep your social media posts joyful.  They shouldn't have to keep seeing your tears over and over, or you will weigh down the very flight you have spent two decades preparing them for.

When Parents Meet with Teachers

Last week my school held parent-teacher conferences.  A student that I thoroughly enjoy left the room the day before, saying, "I'm nervous about what you might say to my parents."  This is a delightful young lady who daily brings joy to her teachers, and she is worried that we might report something negative to her parents.  This interaction made me think of a few things.

It took me way back to my first year.  There was a student who I had, in fact, had a major argument with.  It had been about a month since the argument, and I had forgotten about it.  We had a rather good relationship.  The day before conferences, she begged me not to tell her mom about the "fight."  It actually took me a minute to remember what he was talking about, but it was so vivid in her mind that she thought it might be the topic of my conference with her mom.  It was a good opportunity to talk about how things like that don't have to define a relationship.  There was so much water under our bridge that I wouldn't have even thought to bring it up to her mom.

Then, I had to wonder if other students were worried.  If this delightful girl was nervous, what do the actual trouble-makers think?  Is the child in your class who actually is a chronic disruption worry that you will tell his parents that?  I don't know.

One the days of the actual conferences, there was a wide variety to the conversations.  Some brought the student with them.  Some just wanted to tell the teacher about their child's history.  Some just want to meet the teacher they hear about at home.  Most are parents who are just looking for ways they can help their child study or be more socially successful. 

If you are a student, please know that these meetings are not gossip sessions.  You are welcome in them because we aren't saying anything behind your back that we wouldn't say to you.  We aren't looking for things that are wrong with you.  We are ON YOUR TEAM.