Sunday, February 14, 2021

Normalizing "I Don't Know"

I have spent my life as a highly opinionated person.  It's the result of being my father's daughter.  From whether or not Die Hard is a Christmas movie (yes) to the time I told a student he was eating his Oreo wrong (He just bit into the whole thing - who does that?), I have been able to summon an opinion on most things.

It seems, though, that as I have aged, I've recognized that there are issues that are more complex than I am qualified to parse in a knowledgeable way.  There are issues on which more information would help me make a decision on my opinion (statistics on the efficacy of exercise or test data on whether my students understood a specific point I taught them), but there are issues also for which no amount of information would qualify me because I don't possess the ability to interpret the information I would get.

As I write this, the Sunday morning shows are addressing the issue of reopening public schools for in-person instruction.  As an educator, and one who has been teaching in a hybrid model with the majority of my students in-person since August,  I have to tell you that I don't know what they should do.  While I understand the motivation of the parents who are holding "Reopen schools" signs outside of the governor's residence, I wonder if they realize that they don't have the full perspective of the complexities involved with asking kids to wear masks and social distance all day.  There are some teachers' unions who refuse to return until all of their teachers are vaccinated, and while I am gratefully looking forward to getting my shot, I have to wonder if those union leaders have looked at the data on those schools that are teaching in person without that protection.  The decision-makers have to balance the values of both the physical and mental health of students.  They have to look at the limited resources they have available.  They have to look at the age of the adults in the buildings, not just say "kids don't get it much."  They have to look at the differences in building-design (involving room size, ventilation, efficient temperature screening ability, and sanitation ability) within their districts.  They have to acknowledge that returning to school buildings after a year of at-home learning is going to involve its own kind of culture shock.  I am so grateful that I am not the one who has to make this decision, and I will, therefore, not criticize those who must make it.

My students have very strong opinions on things that don't matter.  They care about what direction the toilet paper roll hangs, how to pronounce the word caramel, whether a hot dog is a sandwich, how to squeeze a toothpaste tube, and how to say gif.  When things like "Laurel Yanni" go viral, they each believe what they hear is right, and anyone who hears the other thing is crazy.  They ask me these questions all the time, and, because I have been doing this a while, I know that my answer will make them think they are right.  Because of this, when they ask me how I pronounce caramel, I start by saying, "Before I tell you my answer, just know that the way I say it isn't the one right way.  There are regional differences, and neither pronunciation is wrong."  They don't like that answer because it isn't fun, but I do believe it is an important lesson.  The way I do it is the way I do it, not the one right way to do it.  To quote Sorkin, "The world is a more interesting place than that."  

For years, I have stated that social media turns us all into 7th graders.  Scroll through your newsfeed for a minute with this in mind, and you will see it.  The conversations we have over small things are exactly like those my middle schoolers have.  The conversations we have over big things make everyone think they must comment with their opinion, no matter how uninformed it is.  Occasionally, someone will acknowledge their lack of qualification before giving their intractable opinion, but I have never seen someone comment, "Since I am unqualified to have an opinion on this, I won't post one here."  

Even if you are not on social media, your kids see you yelling at the tv screen during the news, and you teach them to make quick judgments and stick to them no matter what contradictory evidence comes along.  We are adults, and we have to do better.  We have to show kids that we can hold strong opinions only after learning and that we are open to changing those opinions when other information is learned.  Don't think they aren't listening just because they don't look like they are paying attention.  They absorb far more than you think.

When I began my teaching career, the thing about me that shocked my students the most was when they asked a question, and my answer was, "I don't know."  That was a time in which many teachers felt their authority was undermined by saying they didn't know, so they rarely said it to students (that has, thankfully, changed).  My approach was that there was too much science for me to have it all in my head, so I would look it up for them or ask my colleagues and give them an answer the next day.  In my current situation at a one-to-one school, I can say, "I don't know, but that seems Googlable," and we usually have the answer in a few seconds for simple things.  For more complex things, we may Google something, and then I spend some time interpreting what we found and adding my own judgment to it.  I think this is important modeling because they need to see that the first thing that pops up on Google is sometimes enough, but it sometimes requires more.  Not all questions have equally simple answers.  A person can know a lot and not know everything, or they can know a lot about one thing and nothing about other things.  There have been decisions made by administrators in every school I have taught in that I disagreed with.  Students have asked me about those opinions, and my standard answer has been, "I would imagine that they have some information that you and I do not have."

There's a lot of complaining right now about the polarization of our society.  My favorite posts on that topic are the ones in which the poster blames the other party for the polarization (it's like we are irony-impaired).  The fix for polarization is so easy that I can give it to you in one sentence.  Are you ready?  Be willing to say "I do not know."  This is not a trick.   It really is that simple.  Be willing to acknowledge that there are people who know more than you do.  Be willing to say that, while you wouldn't make that decision, you understand they have reasons why they did.  Our leaders seem to think it makes them look weak, but it doesn't.  It shows strength of character.  

There is strength in saying, "I don't know."  Let's normalize that and watch what happens.



  

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