When I was in college, I took a class in Classroom Management, where I was told that the right set of procedures would prevent most behavioral problems. While I believe procedures are important, it is naive to think that all behavior issues come from students not knowing what to do next (some are, and you should have good procedures, please don't mishear me). We don't teach robots that will function exactly as expected as long as we program them correctly. We teach humans, who each come to us with a personality (not a personality type or Enneagram number, but an individual personality), a family history, a culture, a personal history, and, unless you teach kindergarten, past experiences with teachers. They will each respond differently to our classroom climate. Smiling at some students makes them feel secure while smiling at others can make them feel manipulated. And, of course, it is a room full of sinners led by a more experienced sinner; so occasionally, you will have to deal with students who behave in ways that are concerning.
While listening to Dr. Ross Greene describe the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model of handling student behavior and hearing his passion for kids as he talked about his organization, Lives in the Balance, I couldn't help but think about my camp kids more than my school kids. That's because the majority of students he works with are kids from difficult backgrounds or who have experienced trauma. In her book, The Connected Child, Dr. Karen Purivs called them "children from hard places." While I have to filter some of what he says through a different worldview than his (my belief that some actions come from our sinful nature and his belief that all behaviors are formed by experience), his model is still a great approach, especially for kids who have experienced trauma.
He starts with a simple paradigm shift in the adult's thinking. We have often spent our mental resources asking "What's wrong with this kid?" when it might be more helpful to think "What happened to this kid?" Dr. Purvis has a similar thought with different wording; she says to view their concerning behavior an expression of an unmet need. Both of these approaches cause us to focus less on fixing the behavior and more on addressing the source of the behavior. Rather than a short-term, aspirin-like approach; it is a long-term, antibioticesque approach.
He then recognizes that a person with a difficult past was likely not taught the same skills as we were, so it is likely that the student doesn't possess a skill he might need to help him self-regulate his behavior. He might be lacking executive function (decision making), communication skills (including language processing), emotional regulation, or even some cognitive processes. All of these can be influenced by childhood trauma, neglect, or abuse; so it is important not to assume they have the skills they need. Dr. Greene's website, livesinthebalance.org has an assessment tool for identifying the lacking skills.
Once you know what you are dealing with, he recommends a three-step approach done in teamwork with the student.
- The first step is what he calls the Empathy Step. It could just be called the Listening Step. It means asking the student what they think the source of the problem is. You may learn something you didn't expect. Ask them what they find hard about meeting whatever expectation you have set that they aren't meeting.
- The second step is to define the adult's concern. Explain to the child why the expectation you have set for them matters. Sometimes, kids think we make rules just to make rules (and if that's the case, we should re-evaluate that). They may not realize why a rule matters until we explain it to them, especially a kid whose experience with adults is one in which the adult has exploited their power. While you may not feel you should have to explain your rules, it goes a long way in building trust with a child whose trust has been broken.
- Dr. Greene calls the final step The Invitation. It involves asking the student "Might there be a way to accomplish (insert expectation) while taking care of (insert child's concern)?" You then allow the child to make suggestions first. This step may take a while because the solution must be realistic and mutually satisfactory. It must result in the student meeting the expectation. That's a lot to get out of one suggestion, so it may require some time.
If you are thinking, I will never have time to do this with every student every time there is misbehavior, don't fear. This is not a suggestion for every student and every behavior. There's a reason Dr. Greene's organization is called Lives in the Balance. Most of your normal classroom management and relationship techniques will work for most of your kids. This is to help with that one kid for whom those techniques have not worked. Other kids will see the change in that one kid, and it will go a long way toward your overall classroom atmosphere. Taking this approach will take a lot of time with one student, but it will ultimately save you time as the students with these problems almost always possess incredible leadership and superpower levels of observation (because they had to be able to read the mood of their abuser).
Some of the other speakers (Jimmy Casas and Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, MD) said things that my mind connected with this as well. I would specifically credit them with each thing they said except I don't remember who said which thing. (By that point on Sunday morning, my brain had taken in a lot of stuff and was blending it with other things I have read.)
- One of them talked about remembering the idealistic passion you had when you sat in the chair for your interview. Chances are, you told them about how much you wanted to help students, not how you wanted to manage them. You talked about wanting to inspire students, not just wanting them to comply. When the day-to-day frustrations of the job cause you to lose sight of that, it is a good idea to revisit your core values. You may have bad days, but what matters is that you never quit on your students. As Manny Scott frequently says, "Even on your worst day, you may be a students' best hope."
- It is also is important to remember that uncertainty is stressful, and all of our lives have been filled with uncertainty for at least the last two years. Be careful of implementing ideas from "the trauma-informed classroom" approach because it is a situation where a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. While you want to be trauma-sensitive, you don't want to pigeon-hole kids into a place where their trauma becomes their identity (which is happening in much of the trauma-informed practice movement) and do well-meaning damage. The worst thing you can do is lower expectations for that student because you unintentionally send him the message that he isn't capable of meeting your expectations. Rather, you should be supporting him in acquiring the skills it takes to meet the expectation.
- The best thing you can do for a student who has gotten into an anxiety loop is to "loan them your calm." In my life, I have called it having the ministry of normal. Think about the last time you were on a flight that had some turbulence. If you look to the flight attendant, and she looks concerned or is doing something unusual, there may be something to worry about, but if she is still serving pretzels, everything is fine. You are borrowing her calm. The boy in this photo is a refugee, fleeing danger in his country, and yet you see the picture of resilience and joy because the women in the photo have been telling him stories and signing songs. They have loaned him their calm.
- Growth is not linear. They will make encouraging progress and backslide at other times. If you only tell them you are proud of them when they make progress, they won't want to come to you when they are having a problem. Praise the work they are doing and the effort they are making to do better. This doesn't mean that you don't address the problems, just that you don't communicate that you only love them when they are doing well.
- Recognize that repeated experiences establish neural pathways, which then become automatic behaviors. A child cries to get his mother's attention. If he doesn't get it, all he knows to do is cry louder. When that is eventually rewarded, the pathway is established that results in his communication becoming more and more dramatic until the need is met. If you want to change the neural pathway, you must give them a different experience. Don't reward the behavior you don't like.
- Risky behaviors often come from seeking dopamine, so give them healthy ways to get dopamine. Start with establishing and reinforcing their strengths.
Finally, it is important to recognize that just because kids are resilient doesn't mean they are invulnerable. The strong student who seems to be handling everything well, the one who never gets in trouble, the one who everyone else leans on, needs your attention too. He is likely the strong friend for a number of students. This can be exhausting for them, but they don't usually show it. Check on the kids who appear to have it all together because they are often carrying the burdens of others.
