I returned to school this week. I was a little nervous the day before in a way I'm not usually. I think, because last year was supposed to be "normal" and then was not, I was afraid to hope for this year to be normal. But, when I got to school, saw my friends, and started listening to the creative and passionate professionals with whom I work, I got my energy back.
Our head of school always gives a speech about where we are, where we are going, and what will be our focus for the year. He always starts with our mission statement, which I have written about many times, so search for it in the archives if you wish. We pray through our vision statement, something you can also find in previous posts. This year, his focus was on a sort of motto we've had for four or five years. We started using it in meetings where we discussed what we hope our students got out of being at GRACE. Then, it started coming up in open house tours. What we have come to realize is that it is, in our head of school's words, GRACE's secret sauce. It is that our students will be Known, Valued, and Loved.
There is much in the world of education right now about relationship building. There are those who say, "Relationships are EVERYTHING." I'm not one of those people, though I do recognize that they are important. If they are "everything," you have ceased to be a school. Then there are others who say, "Relationships FIRST." They are those who would spend the first two weeks of school playing getting-to-know-each-other games in order to build relationships. I'm not on board with that either. You can get to know your students while simultaneously teaching them content. I would be more likely to say, "Credibility first" because you can't build a relationship without credibility, to begin with (and perhaps I'll expand on this in a future post, but you establish credibility, in part, by taking your job seriously).
So, if there are a lot of people building relationships, how is GRACE's Known, Valued, and Loved motto any different from other places? Well, it starts with the belief I mentioned above - we can get to know students WHILE teaching them. We can ask questions as it relates to our content area. What's your favorite poem? Who runs track? Name your favorite sport (because we are about to talk about projectile motion). We can chat with kids while we do lunch duty. And, then of course, there are the games, school plays, band concerts, dances, etc. that every school has; but you would be amazed at how many teachers are in attendance at those GRACE events. We find a lot of ways to get to know them and to make sure they feel known without sacrificing academic time.
Making students feel valued is relatively simple, and it takes just a little bit of time. We send emails to students to say, "Hey, I noticed (insert positive thing) about you, and I wanted to let you know I appreciate it." It could be a positive classroom attitude that makes your day better. It could be that they helped a friend who dropped their tray in the lunchroom. It could be that they didn't give up on the race in which they came in last. "I'm proud of the way you persevered to the end and finished strong" will mean more to a student than we can imagine. I know what you are thinking - that you teach 130 students or more and don't have time for sending extra emails. Let me help you. We aren't talking about a Jane Austen novel, so it goes much faster than you think it will. We are talking about three sentences. The first sentence (I am so happy to have you in my class) and the third sentence (I really appreciate that about you) are the same for all of your students, so you can save them in a template. Then, you write the middle sentence for the specific student, but it's pretty short too. "I've noticed how excited you are about fractions." I would also advise that you not try to do all of them in a day or a weekend. You can do this with 2-3 students a day during your planning period, which means it will take 9-10 weeks to get through your roster without taking much time each day. I would recommend starting with the students who get appreciated the least. That way, if you do run out of time to finish, you have covered the kids who most need the connection. By the way, if you do have some extra time, take an extra two minutes and the price of a stamp and send the note to the student. It is worth those extra minutes because they will keep it forever. While I love writing because of its permanence, you can also let kids know you value them verbally. I love when kids read for pleasure, so I like to comment on the books they are reading and let them know of an author they might like. When you have a student doodling in your class, you can say, "Wow, you drew that person's hands really well. I've heard that's really hard to do." Even something like, "Hey, man, I really like your socks" lets a student know that you find something positive in them worth mentioning.
If you don't love your students, I'm not sure why you chose this profession. But loving them is different from letting them know they are loved. You can tell them outright without coming off creepy. I had a student last year who enjoyed saying strange things just to get people's reactions. One day, I said to him, "Dude, you are so weird, I just love you." I knew that he would appreciate being called weird because of the way he was, and it wasn't a mushy weird moment, which would have made us both uncomfortable. It was a silly moment in which he knew his weirdness was valued and appreciated. That worked for him, but it would not have been right for everyone. Sometimes, it is about silently mouthing the words, "You OK?" to a student who looks sad or under the weather. It may be wordlessly putting the tissue box on their desk when you hear them sniffing during a test. Once you know your kids, you'll know what the best way to express love is for them. At GRACE, it is also about praying for them and with them.
When we talk about this being the distinctive characteristic of GRACE, it is because it isn't part of an initiative or plan or program. We aren't instructed to do these things and fill out a form saying we've done it. It's in our DNA as a community.
Strong academics are a given. They are what make us a school. Our mission statement includes the words "spiritually equip, challenge, and inspire" and "impact their world for Christ." That's what makes us a Christian school. Making sure our kids feel Known, Valued, and Loved is what makes us GRACE.
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