I Teach Science, and You Should Be Jealous

If you are an English, History, Math, or Foreign Language teacher, I'm sorry to tell you this.  Your job is not as fun as mine.  Sure, you get to distribute numbers and solve system with substitution (my favorite property and system solving method).  You might get talk about wars and stuff.  You get to parse every word of Ode on a Grecian Urn (which is my favorite poem ever).  Those things are fun, but they aren't as fun as my job.  I'll prove it.

Here's what I get to do that you do NOT:
- Build boats out of Aluminum foil (after teaching them that it is not Tin foil) and sink them with pennies.
- Crush cans with air pressure by dunking them in ice.
- Have students push your car around the building.
- Rip plastic bottles to shreds by blowing them up.
- Buy dry ice at 6:30 in the morning so you can watch kids play with it the same day.
- Wear goggles.
- Donate your cat's body to the teacher across the hall for dissection.
- Eat chalk.
- Pop a water balloon in your own face.
- Use a nerf gun with a protractor.
- Play catch to analyze the trajectory.
- Spin kids in a chair.
- Push kids down the hall in a chair.
- Push kids in the parking lot in a chair.
- Hollow out pennies.
- Split salt molecules.
- Use 9 Volt batteries to make sparks.
- Lick 9 Volt batteries.
- Play with slinkys.
- Play the nose flute.

Are you jealous of me yet?  No?  Here are some more.
- Tape students to walls
- Drop eggs off the building
- Make kids hair stand on end with electricity
- Ignite hydrogen
- Jump off of chairs
- Sling a bucket of water in a circle over your head
- Spin in circles in the parking lot
- Make parachutes for army men
- Set stuff on fire
- Drive fast while honking
- Shine laser pointers at mirrors
- Teach kids why the sky is blue
- Show laser eye surgery
- Wrap students in bubble wrap

There's more, but I'm pretty sure I've made my point.  So there.