Mental Recovery

I didn't blog this weekend.  I posted that I didn't have any wisdom to share.  And I didn't.  Between the kidney stone I was battling and the atrocious week I had had, there was nothing in my head that I would have wanted in a public space.  It was dark in there, y'all.  

Here's what a long career does for you, though.  It gives you perspective.  Bad days end.  Bad weeks come and go.  Bad years feel crippling, but they don't have to be if you take steps to recover.  Recovery is important for our students to see because they have to do it too.

I'm not for living your life out loud with students.  There are professional boundaries to be set.  I do believe in being genuine and authentic with students.  Finding the line is tricky, and I have sometimes found myself on the wrong side of it; but my ultimate feeling is this.  If they go home worried about me, I've crossed the professional line.  They might say at the dinner table. "It was weird how upset Miss Hawks was in class today."  That's fine.  That's noticing something human.  They should not be losing sleep over it.  They should not be coming in the next day worried that I'll be that upset again.  Then I've shared too much.  

Recovery probably looks different for different people.  For everyone, I assume it involves sleep.  There's some kind of magical power in sleep that I've never really understood.  The Bible says, "His mercies are new every morning."  That may be Jeremiah's poetic way of recognizing that sometimes things seem better after a night's sleep.  (I'm sure there are Biblical scholars who know what it really means, but I do know that I have often been really upset about something one afternoon and wake up with a different perspective.)  Sleep well after a rough day.  It helps.  

Gratitude is helpful as well.  Recognizing that there are many things for which you are thankful can put those few things that are upsetting you in perspective.  It doesn't make them okay; it doesn't make them go away.  It helps you recognize balance in your life.  (On Twitter, where people have a very unbalanced view of my thoughts, I have been accused of toxic positivity.  I'm not talking about pretending everything is fine when it isn't.  I'm talking about recognizing life is not one day/issue/problem.  Life is more interesting than that.)  

The last thing is this.  Keep going.  The easiest thing in the world is to give in to the dark stuff and hide, but it doesn't work.  Darkness reinforces darkness.  Feelings of worthlessness are only made deeper by shirking responsibilities and not accomplishing goals.  You might adjust the goals or give yourself more time, but accomplishing something gives us a sense of . . . well, accomplishment.  One of the lessons I've learned from unfortunate grief is that the rest of the world keeps moving.  Bills are still due, and some stuff has to get done.  Will you do it more slowly?  Yes, it may feel like you are walking through water.  Keep walking.  Move slowly, but keep moving.  One of the reasons I am writing this now is that doing the thing I didn't do on Sunday will be better than not doing it at all.

Our students have been raised to either numb their feelings (medication) or soak in them (self-care).  Neither extreme is healthy.  We must model feeling them and recovering from them.