Outsourcing Your Thinking

Whoever came up with the idea that there is no such thing as a stupid question never taught middle school.

Before you decide I am a horrible person for squelching a child's curiosity, those aren't the kinds of questions I'm talking about.  Asking how many times Texas would fit on the moon is not a stupid question (57 times if you are interested) because it is an attempt to relate something you do know to something you do not.  These questions, while sometimes odd, are not stupid.

I'm talking about questions like:
- Can we use a pen on this?
- When I get to number 50, do I go on to number 51?
- Does this problem take place on earth?
- Does it matter what order these are in?
- The calendar says this is due tomorrow.  Is it?
- Can I have a book on my desk to read when the test is finished?
- When you say, "will dissolve," do you mean after you stir it?
- Does my name need to be on this?
- And of course thousands of questions that you just answered when you were giving the instructions.

The reason that these are stupid questions is that the student could have answered it without asking if they had taken about three seconds to think.
- They have taken dozens of scantron tests in their lives.  They know the scantron requires pencil.  Three seconds of thinking avoids this question.
- Where else would I go after number 50?  I really wanted to ask what numbering system was used
  on his home planet.  Three seconds of thinking avoids this question.
- If this problem didn't take place on earth, wouldn't I have told you?  I don't expect them to just
   figure out it was Jupiter.  They had to think for way longer than three seconds to come up with the
   question when three seconds of logic would have kept them from asking it.
- If the order mattered, I would have told them in class, during a review, and in the instructions.
   Three seconds of thinking could have avoided this question.
- I get a lot of e-mail questions about when things are due.  We have an online academic calendar for
   every class, so that should be the answer to due date questions.  Three seconds of thinking would
   tell you that the question has already been answered.
- The book question would be perfectly polite and good if this had not been written on the board:  
  "On your desk, have out pencils and calculator as well as any reading material or studying material
   you plan to use after the test."  Three seconds of looking at the board will answer this question.
- Kids read into test questions so much, I have come up with the line, "Stop writing your own
  questions."  This is just one example.  I get so many, "what did you mean by . . ." questions that I
  have them read the question to me and say, "I mean that."
- If your name isn't on it, how will I know who to give your grade to?  Three seconds of thinking
  would avoid this question as well.

You may get the impression from this that I am super sarcastic, but let me assure you that if you had to field these questions from 120 students a day, you would lean toward sarcastic as well.  Students want to outsource their thinking.  Sometimes, they outsource it to me.  Sometimes, they outsource it to their parents or their e-mail.  My job is more than teaching them facts.  It also involves teaching them to think.  So, if I give what seems like a curt answer, it is only because I want them to experience a little negative consequence for not thinking for themselves while they are in middle school.  The consequences they will experience for it in college or a career will be far worse than my facial expressions or silly replies.  I don't want a world in which adults have never been required to pause for three seconds to think for themselves.