The Gift of Imposter's Syndrome

Every adult has been there.  You walk into your job on the first day or third month or seventh year and start to wonder if you really know what you are doing.  Have I actually been getting away with this?  Do people actually think I know what I am doing?  This phenomenon is known as Imposter's Syndrome when it interferes with the ability to live normally. 

I have heard people from a variety of fields talk about this feeling.  Hank and John Green, the renowned YouTube content creators and authors, discuss their battles with it in their online videos.  I have heard a lot of tech professionals talk about their feelings of inferiority as the field changes so rapidly that it is difficult to keep up.  People early in a medical career often feel this way as the comparison with their peers is ingrained in their education.  Emma Watson told Rookie Magazine, “It’s almost like the better I do, the more my feeling of inadequacy actually increases, because I’m just going, ‘Any moment, someone’s going to find out I’m a total fraud, and that I don’t deserve any of what I’ve achieved."  See this list that shows even Meryl Streep and Tom Hanks feel this way.  If after all their awards and attention, these amazing actors feel like frauds, what hope is there for the rest of us?

As a teacher, I have a mild panic attack every August.  I wonder if it is possible I forgot how to teach during the summer.  It's been ten weeks since I have been in the classroom, after all.  Maybe I will walk in on the first day and forget how to keep all the science I know.  For years, I had some pretty frightening dreams about this, with scenes right out of Dangerous Minds (why don't I ever dream of Dead Poets' Society?) because I no longer have the ability to manage behavior.  A couple of years ago, I almost called another yearbook teacher to ask if she ever forgot how to do it because I was relatively certain that I didn't know how to make a yearbook after ten years of making yearbooks.  

There are times when this is a toxic experience, especially if it comes from a place of insecurity or fear or what other people think of you.  Sometimes, it is misplaced pride.  Other times, it is legitimate humility, a much-needed quality in the world in which we live.  While it is unpleasant for the person experiencing it, I submit to you that it is a good thing in small and temporary doses.  

Imposter's Syndrome can drive us to improve if we handle it correctly.  It can cause us to focus on providing value in our jobs and relationships.  It can make us actually become better in an attempt to feel better.  With the understanding that I am in no way an expert, I offer the following advice that has helped me.

1.  Own your mistakes.  If you feel like a fraud, it could be because you have been trying to make everyone think you are perfect, which of course no one is.  While I don't recommend running around advertising all of your weaknesses to everyone, admitting them out loud to trusted friends can be helpful.  They may encourage you, laugh at how seriously you are taking it, or give you advice on how to improve.

2.  Engage in professional development.  Nothing makes you feel better about your job than getting better at your job.  Take a class.  Attend a seminar.  Read a book to improve some specific skill.  You will know that you are making the effort to improve, which helps reduce the feeling of being a fraud.

3.  Make a list.  Okay, this is the kind of nerd I am.  I am a list person - to do lists, grocery lists, pro and con lists.  I like seeing things clearly laid out.  Make a list of things you are certain you are good at.  Make another list of skills you would like to improve.  It helps to visually see that there actually are good reasons for your success as well as recognizing that you can always improve.  Then, do what you need to do to move something from the second list to the first.

4.  Recognize others.  Recognize what is good in your peers.  If you talk to them, you might find that they are also not sure of their value.  If you see good in them while they don't, you might realize that the same is happening in the other direction.

5.  Keep faking it.  Faking it doesn't make you a fraud.  It makes you a person who is trying.  If you ever learned to play an instrument, you know that it took thousands of hours of really bad practice to become even moderately good.  You may have felt like it would never happen, but as a person continues to fake it (also called practice), the brain adapts and improves at the skill.  When you learned to walk, you fell a lot.  That didn't make you a fraudulent walker; it made you a baby learning a new skill.  This is also true in your adult life.  Faking it leads to growth, so keep doing it.

This blog sometimes causes or alleviates my own experience with Imposter's Syndrome.  Whether I am happy that I have something to offer or confused by the idea of anyone reading, I keep writing.  Some posts may help a new teacher or encourage a veteran teacher, and that makes me happy.  Some posts may only help me, and I can be okay with that too.  Don't put so much pressure on yourself to be perfect, and you might no feel like you are pulling the wool over the eyes of everyone around you.